Vacation Part 3: To The Finish

I'm going to take a minute to be slightly transparent. I'm not one to talk about what makes me tick or things I learn about myself; however, I definitely discovered something about my personality and my approach to most things in life on our LONG hike that day. Since walking for hours, and no engery to have a conversation, I had some time to think and reflect. I discovered that I have a distint desire to finsh. Here is how I came to that conclusion. The begining of the hike was rough for me. We stopped to take a break about every 15 minutes and I kept thinking over and over how there is no way I can do this all day. I think it took us an hour to go 1 mile. My sweet husband stopped whenever I wanted to but I'm sure he was secretly getting frusterated. On the second half of the journey I was pumped, speed walking and encourging Jarrod to pick it up. Once I could see the end (about 3-4 hours left), I got a surge of energy, I had to finish. In Jarrod's mind, he saw it as, "we're a good team, we pick eachother up when the other is down" Which is the case too. :) But I saw it as more...Every morning when I run, the first 4 minutes are HORRIBLE. I want to stop and walk everyday. Those first four-five minutes never get easier for me. However, usually by the end, I'm ready to keep going. Unfortunately, I have to stop so Jarrod can leave for work.
For some reason, I have the hardest time starting something.  My mind gets the best of me and I don't handle new beginnings/change well. On the hike I discovered the reason is because I HAVE to finish and I have a fear of failure.
Examples of not being able to handle change:
1) The summer before I left for college, I was so scared of moving out that I became sick with coughing fits. I would cough for serval minutes multiple times a day and there was nothing wrong with me. Poor Jarrod had to sit and listen all summer long but by the time I got to school, and loved it, I was all better.
2) The summer I got married, I freaked out. I couldn't handle the fact I was about to live with a boy and begin a new life with him. I'll spare you details but I'm pretty sure Megan had doubts I was ever going to make it to the alter. Once we settled into married life, I couldn't have been happier.
3) Deciding to have a baby. I went off and then back on birthcontrol a couple of times, including a frantic call to my ob office asking for a new precription for more. As you can see from reading my blog, motherhood was the absolute best "new begining" I've ever had.
I'm glad to have this new perspective about myself. I sit and contimplate everything forever, but once I do decide to jump in, it's always the right decision.
No wonder, it took me years to start an event planning business. If it wasn't for my partner Meg, who jumps right into anything, I would probably still be siting back "thinking" about it.
So, if you question why I've worked at the same place since college, now you know. :)